Musings
by Miste
Summary: Harry muses. Please, do not read unless you have finished Ootp! I really dont want to be responsible for ruining the books! Rated PG for angst and minor swearing.
1. Harry Muses

DISCLAIMER: *Puts on blonde wig* I am J.K. Rowling arent I? ARENT I? Well.... Maybe not. So. You do the math. If I was that particular Goddess I wouldnt be writing fanfics. I would be writing Book-the-Sixth. *glares at rowling* We want more Lupin! We want more Lupin! Thank you. That will be all.  
  
Harry Potter of number four, Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surry sat upon the garden bench and stared at the hedge. This was where Dobby had apeared to him in his first summer back from Hogwarts. He brightend for a moment then felt sick. The image in front of his eyes of an elf with large green eyes and a nose like a pencil was replaced by quite another elf, one with watery greyish eyes and a nose like a pig. Harry thought furiously that he was a pig before banishing the thought. Kreacher was much, much worse than a pig. Kreacher betrayed S- "Harry! Come inside for dinner right now!" His aunts voice pierced his thoughts and he sighed, glad of the distraction from his usual thoughts of veils and murmurings.  
  
Dinner that night was quiet, but that wasent a surprise to any of them. Harry didnt want to talk because of his evening at the department of mysteries and the revilations that followed. Dudley didnt want to talk because he was deciding which member of his gang he was going to tell his parents he would visit tommorow. Nither Vernon nor Petunia had anything to fill up the silence so eventually Petunia turned on the television. As a cop show blared from the various speakers Harry excused himself from the table. His only answer was a grunt from his hated uncle so he went off to 'his' room. Dudley still put old things in it. Just that morning he had added his Playstation2 when he realised he still had it and it wasent the newest on the market. Harry fell backwards onto his bed. He shut his eyes against the onslaught of memories of Sirius but it did little good. Sirius sulking, Sirius yelling at his vile mothers portrait, Sirius laughing at Mundungus, Sirius....  
  
He woke with a start. The alarm clock on his bedside table had been knocked onto the floor. Thinking ruefully that he wasent the most restful of sleepers these days he reached for it. It had fallen into the loose floorboard compartment because Harry had forgotten to close it. As he scrabbled around in the darkness (it surely must be at least eleven oclock!) his hand touched leather... he brought the small book up to his face and realised it was the book of pictures Hagrid had compiled for him in his first year. He flipped through it and his heart stopped. He was looking at Sirius. Sirius twenty years ago. Fit. Healthy. Sirius was laughing from the picture that was also in Kinglsley Shacklebolts office. Thinking of that cubicle Harry shivered. He didnt think he could go back there. All those pictures of his godfather. He threw the book suddenly across the room out of sheer frusteration. Damnit! He would have loved to say goodbye. Thats all he wanted. To tell Sirius how much he meant to him. How very much. Harry stopped to think about this. How much did Sirius mean to him? 'He was like your father' said that little voice in the back of his head. 'Who else do you have as family?' That was a better question. He didnt want any less than good thoughts about the man who risked everything for him. At least, not yet. Who else was his family? 'Noone. Nobody exept Sirius.' Was this true? Mrs. Weaslys voice floated through his head 'He is as good as my son!' as he thought about it, Mrs. Weasly was as close to a mother as he had ever come. He wondered whether his beloved godfather would approve? A voice very like Hermiones quiverd with indignation as it said 'Harry! Sirius just wanted you to be happy! And if he would mind you find her like a mum he ought to-' Harry tuned the voice out. It was time to think about all this for a while...  
  
A/N--- Yeah. Sorry about the grammar/spellings. I tried! I swear! Its hard when your beta has deserted you for a while! I will glare at her during her birthday party this weekend. Its nice to have a friend whose parents are both editors! Please review? I am completely starved for feedback. I would love flames, adoration (lol), whatever! Please just review! 


	2. Harry Muses More

A/N: To the reviewers I never thought I'd have:  
  
Nora: Sweet of you. Even though I dont really count your review. Just kidding! Of course I count your wonderful, beautiful, dreamy review. Today is Wensday. Call me because I leave town tommorrow befor you get out of school and I AM GOING TO VISIT IVAN!!! Happy happy joy joy. Yesterday was a good day! I got the neopets magizine and The Slippery Slope which is Lemony Snickets newest book. HAH! I was wondering if you would like to go halvsese on a sucsription to it? a year would be about $15 for each of us... Delivered to my place, I read it, put it in an envelope and mail it to you? Please? BTW-- Beta me? Please? You nitpick when I talk to you so please nitpick my story? I would love you forever. Oh, and, Nora? I dont write ish. Well, I would write it if you would type it up...  
  
flic(): Aww! I am so happy now! Thank you for the compliments. I do try to write well, although I like my origianal fiction better than this junk. Cant spell either! Hmmm. Now, you have a choice. Me update as often as I have a few paragraphs or me write and write and write and forget to update till next year. Although I am deluding myself to think that anyone cares how often I update.  
  
Also- To anyone who reads my fic (basically nobody) I will be going out of town till tuesday and probably wont update till wendsay.  
  
Three days later Harry wasent sure if he had made the right desision about, well, about anything. Did Mrs. Weasly still value him as a son? If so why hadent she written? For that matter, why had noone at all written? He tried to think why, got bored and instead he tried to think of out of all the people he knew who he would like to see most at the minute. Well. That was easy. Sirius of course. He tried to think of all the people who were alive. Hermione? No. She would try to comfort him when she couldent understand. Not really. Ron? Nah, same reason. Mrs. Weasly? Well... no. He would keep going over the fight between her and Sirius in his head and he knew that that would make him resentful tward her. Who then? Someone in as much pain as him, or more, he wasent picky. Then the answer hit him like a ton of the Weasly's fireworks. Remus Lupin. Good God Harry was being selfish. He knew that nomatter how bad he felt, Lupin had it worse. He was probably going through hell right now. First he has four fabulous friends. Then in an instant he learns that three of them are dead because of the fourth. Then, after thirteen years. Thirteen years he learnd that Peter was alive and had betrayed them all and that Sirius was completly innocent. Then they had a mere two years together in a horribal old house that caused Sirius to go a little insane.  
Now that he thought about it, he wondered which one of them had had it worse. Sirius was in Azkaban its true but he at least knew. He knew that Peter was guilty and that he was innocent. Remus however had no way of knowing. He spent those years doing who-knows-what and knowing that a man he had known since school betrayed them all. The more Harry mused, the more his resolve to send Remus a letter strengthened. The only question was what would he say?  
  
Dear Remus Lupin, I have been thinking a lot lately. I have probably been thinking more in the past few days then in all last year. Sirius mentioned you a lot. Well, at least more than he mentions anyone else. You were living with him in that awful house and I think you know him best. Well, better than anyone alive right now. I know this is probably really rude and I know it would be painful, but I was wondering if you would talk to me about him for a bit? Even a letter of any kind, about him or not, would be wonderful. Noone else writes to me right now. Does anyone write you? I'm sorry, I am getting awfly personal arent I? Still being rude probably. Hermione would know what to say. She always knows what to say and is not afraid to say it and Ron always knows what not to say. They balence eachother out. Well, Ron doesnt know about girls but what guy does? I don't know what else to say to you exept that you were always my favorite defence against the dark arts teacher and over the past year I have really gotten to like you outside of Hogwarts. Please write back?  
  
Harry  
  
Well. That would have to do.  
  
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That will have to do for me too! 


	3. Remus Muses

A/N-- Hey! Sorry, writers block. Although its not like anyone is following the story is it? I'm trying, I'm trying.  
  
Disclaimer: MUA HA HA HA HA HA I OWN IT ALL. ........  
Oh, you called? Sorry, that was my alter ego. She thinks she is J.K. Rowling. Sorry about that!  
  
Moony sighed. Well. What was he supposed to do now? Harry had written to him and even through his grief he reconised that that would mean he would mean he would have to reply. Unless he died. He would have to consider that for a while seeing as various things needed his attention. What was he going to do? He had his options. First and foremost he would write a letter to Harry...  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
How have you been? I hope you have been well. So, you wish to speak some more of Sirius? I do not blame you, even though it would be very painful for me. I have a better idea. How about I choose some memories of Sirius and of James and I put them in a pensive? I am sure I could borrow Dumbledore's for the occasion. If you would not like that just tell me.  
Best,  
Remus Lupin  
  
As he tied the letter to the owls leg he wondered why he wrote that. What possessed him to suggest that Harry look through he mind? As the tawny shape set off through his bedroom window he flopped down on his bed. Good God he was tired. So tired that the only way he could sleep would be to take his razor and- he opened his eyes. He was careful to always get up when he started to think like that. He supposed that he was suicidal. It wasn't a sudden thing. It just kind of built up. You know when first you are liking blood more than usual, you are having a bad day, always tired and then something happens and you realize you might as well just not wake up.  
Now, what memories to give to Harry? How about a few pranks, a few laughs, a few tears. He wondered if he should put the bad in with the good and decided to. He knew that if he didn't Harry would be paranoid that he was trying to protect him from something really really really bad.  
  
After a few hours of thinking later Remus had decided. He would show Harry the prank with McGonagall involving a chair, a rat and a singing teapot. Also, the one with Lucius Malfoy having pink hair and one of a pillow fight they had in third year. Also, Harry would get to see the day after Sirius showed Snape how to get into the Whomping Willow in all its noisy violent glory.  
  
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I know, I know. Short. Anyways, if there are any ideas for pranks or pillow fights please tell me when you REVIEW. I am serious, please review? Please? 


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